Singles Scene San Francisco

It's a Date...Not a Job Interview

Have you noticed that most people can't stand silence?  Whether they're in a group of 2 of more, it's common for people to feel anxious at large gaps in the conversation. Maybe even small gaps.

What frequently happens is that someone (maybe you?) jumps in and says something, anything to get the conversation going again. Anything to kill the silence.

See Conversation Killers: What NOT to Say on a First Date

For many busy professionals, the topic is work. Which makes sense. We spend the majority of our waking hours at work. And for many single professionals, their career is the center of their lives.

Feedback we've received, here at IJL San Francisco, from many daters shows that, for the most part, people are turned off when date conversation turns to work, work, work.  Remember, this is a date and NOT a job interview. Your date may be impressed by your professional success. But they don't want to hear about it in depth, for the whole date.  

See 4 Simple Ways to Make a Great First Impression

Instead of filling that silence with work chatter, ask your date some open questions about themselves. And be prepared to talk about your life. Your whole life, not just your career.

Starting Fresh with It's Just Lunch.

We've all heard the quote, "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again but expecting different results." And it makes sense, on a very fundamental level. If you want to change your results, you need to change things up and do things differently. Change your formula.

Same holds true when it comes to dating.

Millions of singles entered the new year with a resolution to date more. Date better. Or maybe to start dating again after a hard breakup or a long absence from the dating scene.

Many folks will try online dating. And why not? Everyone's doing it, right? Some people will return to online dating for the 2nd or 3rd (or 10th) try, having failed before.  They'll try a new site, or some new pictures. Maybe a new headline and a profile rewrite.

Here's a thought, maybe it's time to try something new. Something a bit more proactive. A lot more ACTIVE. At IJL San Francisco we help you skip to the best part of dating. The actual DATE. No endless emails back and forth with someone who may or may not be anything like their online profile. No silly IMs with strangers. We do all of the hard work for you, so that you can get on with your life and make the most of your spare time. 

Let IJL San Francisco help you meet your New Year's Dating Resolutions. Contact us to learn more about how you can start fresh, with new results.

'Tis the Season: Gift Giving Tips for New Relationships

Each year, we here at IJL San Francisco get the same question: "Do I buy a holiday gift for someone I just started dating?"

It's a smart question. One of the worst things you can do is to force a relationship or seem too pushy or desperate.

BUT, and this is a big but, this is one of those times when it's OK to get a little enthusiastic.  'Tis the season, after all. And if you want to give someone a small token of your feelings, then you should.

That said, here are 3 simple tips to keep in mind when shopping for that new special someone.

1) Give if want to give, not because you think you should give.  Go with your gut on this one, it probably won't stear you wrong.  If your gut tells you it's too soon, it probably is. PS. One date is too soon.

2) Keep it small and inexpensive. You've just started dating this person. Your gift shouldn't be big or pricey. A large/expensive gift could just embarrass your new partner.

3) Make it personal, not generic. The best gifts show that you were paying attention. For example, a book by their favorite author, tickets to a show they mentioned wanting to see, a bottle of their favorite wine... 

Do You Really Know What You Want in a Partner?

Today's title was borrowed from a recent post in ScienceDaily.com. And, according to them and some recent research from Northwestern University and Texas A&M University, the answer is NO.  

You probably don't really know what you want in a partner. No one does. 

"People have ideas about the abstract qualities they're looking for in a romantic partner," said Eastwick, assistant professor of psychology at Texas A&M University and lead author of the study. "But once you actually meet somebody face to face, those ideal preferences for traits tend to be quite flexible."

The idea is that the whole is greater than the sum of its parts, said Finkel, associate professor of psychology at Northwestern University and co-author of the study.

"People are not simply the average of their traits," he said. "Knowing that somebody is persistent, ambitious and sexy does not tell you what that person is actually like. It doesn't make sense for us to search for partners that way."

So, to recap, don't be surprised if the person you eventually meet and fall madly in love with doesn't resemble your preconcieved notions of who might make up your ideal mate. Something to think about before your next first date.

Thanksgiving Prep for Singles

It's that time of year again. Sure, it's wonderful to spend time with family and to catch up with old friends. But for most singles, Thanksgiving comes with heaping side of stress. 

First, there are the inappropriate questions and unhelpful suggestions:

* Whatever happened to that nice boy/girl you were seeing last year? S/he seemed perfect for you.

* Did you ever think that maybe you're being too picky?

* You know, you're not getting any younger.

* Did you hear that so-and-so just got engaged? Everyone else's kids are getting married. What's wrong with you?

Then, maybe a helpful family member will try their hand at matchmaking. Oh no, mom set-ups are the worst!

What's a single guy or gal to do?

For starters, it's important to keep your sense of humor. And remember, they may have an odd way of showing it, but your family really does care about your happiness. It's probably best to just laugh off their meddling and enjoy their company. 

And hey, maybe the amazing matchmakers at IJL San Francisco will be able to find you that special someone before the next family occasion. That'll keep them quiet!

Are Romantic Comedies Ruining Your Love Life?

What are your favorite movies? Do they end with people falling in love and living happily ever after? And if so, maybe that's a problem.

Have you ever taken the time to think carefully about your favorite heroes and heroines and whether their relationships are actually healthy?  We're not talking about the stereotypical disney princesses or Carrie and her crazy dysfunction with Big. Think about your favorite movies and TV shows from the past couple of years. Any relationships or dating behaviors you should really be emulating?

Probably not.  Which is worth thinking about before your next date. Speaking of your next date... It's Just Lunch San Francisco is always here to help!

When it comes right down to it, there are actually very few portrayals of healthy, funtional relationships in the movies and on television. Which, in a way, makes sense. Healthy isn't nearly as much fun to watch as crazy. The Real Housewives franchise would seem to be the perfect evidence of that.

For a funny take on a similar topic, check out 4 Pieces of Relationship Advice Movies Need to Stop Giving via Cracked.