Singles Scene San Francisco

This Month's VIN12 Event - 2/18/10

Come to 555 Barlett on 2/27 for a FREE Luncheon Condo Tour!

Dating Tip: Break "The Rules"

The first and only rule we have here at IJL is to throw out all your old ideas and rules about dating! Dating is not about playing games, using clever tactics or making sure you come out on top. There are no winners and losers as far as we are concerned. While other guides might instruct you to hold out, be mysterious and develop a game plan to trap your mate, we do not believe in that. Those games do not work in the long run and they are exhausting. If you present a fake exterior and try to be someone you are not, you deny yourself the opportunity to be liked for who you really are. And that is what real love is all about, folks - just be yourself from beginning to end!

DON'T:

 - Play games

 - Play hard to get

- Pretend you are not interested

- Wait three days to return his or her call

In other words, do not utilize any other ploy that seems like game playing and above all have fun!!

Positively single? Or single poisitively?

If you're newly single, about to be single, or have been single for longer than you would have liked, one of the pitfalls that you can encounter along the road of singledom is to focus on what you don't have, eg. a partner or lover.

Focusing on the problem, or the lack, can contribute to remaining single, as doing so gives power to negative feelings.  And oftentimes, negativity merely engenders more negativity, thereby creating more of what you are not wanting.

So the question is: how do you stay single positively rather than stay positively single?

Paying attention to and acknowledging what you do want is a key to success.

One strategy that was helpful for Andrea Dindinger Ach, 38, of the Mission District in San Francisco, CA, who is recently married but struggled during the time she was single, was to keep and carry a list of qualities that she wanted in her future partner.

"Writing what I wanted helped me keep the attitude that I was going to find somebody, not if but when.  It helped me keep a positive attitude about it," she says.

The more you can focus your mind on what will assist you or what your desired outcome is, the more likely it is that your emotions will remain positive, which in turn helps you to attract what it is that you are wanting.

In addition to writing a list of what you want, another helpful tool to steer your mind towards the positive is to use visualization.  For instance, when you're by yourself, instead of focusing on the loneliness or the lack, can you visualize what it would look like in that moment if you were with your partner, and more importantly, can you focus on how that would feel in a positive way?

As you visualize and focus on the positive images, thoughts, and feelings, take a moment to notice how that feels in your body and where you feel it.  Putting your attention here will help strengthen the positive outlook.

The road of singledom can have its share of roadblocks and detours just as much as any other road.  Staying positive is an important part of making the journey not only easier emotionally but also more fulfilling and gratifying along the way, and ultimately, to wherever your end destination may take you.

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Carolyn Kim, MA, MFT, is a licensed psychotherapist in private practice in San Francisco, CA. Her specialties include: Anxiety, Stress, Depression, Relationship Difficulties, Self-Esteem, Life Transitions and Direction, Couples Counseling, Communication, Mind-Body Work, Personal Growth, and Empowerment.
 

You can contact Carolyn at carolyn@carolynkim.org or learn more about her by visiting her website: www.carolynkim.org.
 

Congrats to Rachel & Shane who just got ENGAGED!! Their wedding will be this October in South Carolina and shortly after they move to London. They love each other, and we love it when this happens!

The Little Black Book - Valentine's Day for Men

 
If you are wanting to read more, call our SF office and ask Anna 415-989-9500 for your free copy!

Got Game?

New Singles Survey Reveals Dating Game Plan for Super Bowl Sunday

 

 San Francisco, CA (February 2, 2010) In case you’ve been hiding under a rock, the Super Bowl is in town.  A long-anticipated day, filled with camaraderie, passion, competition, celebration, and occasionally disappointment. This might not sound like the ideal setting for a romantic meet-up, but if you have successfully drafted a date for the big event, some pre-game advice is at hand to help get in the end zone, avoid embarrassing fumbles, and score the ultimate touchdown.

 

It’s Just Lunch (IJL), the premier international dating service for busy professionals, announces the results of their Super Bowl Sunday Survey providing insight in to men’s and women’s psyche, and expert tips for how to have a successful Super Bowl date… just in time. 

 

·         58% of singles say that they would bring a first date to a Super Bowl party, so you stand in good company.  If you haven’t booked that date yet, get to it.

 

·         Among singles, loyalty is key.  74% of men and 82% of women stated that they will root against their date’s team at the Super Bowl party. This means you need to be ready for some competition in the room, not just on the screen. Our advice? Let your date know in advance that your emotions can run high, but that you know it’s just a game.

 

·         Room etiquette – gabbing on the sidelines is fine, but when you are in front of the screen, all singles (men and women) are serious about the big game.

 

o   If their date was talking during the game, 52% of singles would quickly talk to their date, but would want to turn all conversation back to football.

 

o   And if the talk continues? 8% of all singles would never ask their date out again, while 31% of men would ask them out again, but never to a sporting event.

 

o   17% of women would ask their date to “be quiet” so they could focus on the game, and interestingly, only 9% of men would quiet their dates. So if you do get “shushed,” with these statistics, chances are you are talking too much and should get back to (playing) the game.

 

·         Food is King – On Super Bowl Sunday, it looks like calories don’t count.  65% of men and 72% of women won’t stick to their diets during the big game; instead they will be filling up on game food. Of course, we recommend keeping this in control, as most singles aren’t looking for a wide receiver.

 

·         Game predictions—60% of single men surveyed think the Indianapolis Colts will win the Super Bowl, while 55% of women think the Saints will win. The Saints came out on top by both men and women for having the best looking cheerleaders (55%) and players (52%) as well as having the better looking uniforms (60%). The takeaway: Looks matter and so do the get-ups. Dress to impress and try to avoid any unexpected wardrobe malfunctions.

 

·         And if certain players were in the room? 67% of single women and 70% of single men surveyed they would rather meet Peyton Manning of the Colts for lunch rather than Drew Brees of the Saints. 

 

·         If your date holds tickets to the actual game? Men, don’t get your hopes up—only 37% of women would invite a date to the big game. Rather, 50% of women would prefer to have their best friend join them. Surprisingly, on the other hand, only 46% of men would prefer to bring a date rather than their best friend to the actual game. So much for bromance.

 

·         When INVITED, 70% of men and 68% of women would accept a date with someone they weren’t crazy about, just to go to the Super Bowl – looks like everyone wants to be in Miami for the big game so don’t be fooled.  The true test will be if you score a second date.

 

You know the rules: now take the ball and run with it.  But please, no Super Bowl shuffle.